Notes To Myself

Please remember to do the following things each day:

Smile :)
Go for a Walk :)
Give bf a Kiss when he leaves to Work:)
Take it Easy :)
Enjoy the Little Things :)
Love Life :)
Act like Everyday is a Day Gained :)
Remember to Breathe :)

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Light and Sound = Weirdest thing Yet

Yesterday I went to the doctor even though I was far to exauhsted to make the trip. My BF gave me 10 dollars... but as the taxi was honking it's horn I couldn't find it anywhere (Yay for Fibro-fog) so I had to raid the change and grabbed 6 dollars. Which was great because the taxi charged me 5.50 for a 10 minute drive.

So then I got to the hospital and as I got out of the taxi.. my co-worker who was diagnosed with fibro at 13 is getting out of her car with her mother and her mother calls over to me:

"Is it Fibromyalgia day or something?"

I laughed and went and sat in the hospital with them. My co-worker had had a head-ache for 3 days and needed to see the doctor.. I needed to see the doctor because my job required me to get a note saying I'll be off work because I'm sick.

By then I was sensitive to everything and i knew I shouldn't have left my house... the lights in the hospital made me anxious... the sounds made me litterally want to run in every direction away from it at once and I was sweating from every pore in my body.

The weird thing about this is even though I knew that I was just having a reaction to sound and light - I couldn't help myself... and I still felt anxious and made me feel like I needed to escape.

By the time I saw the doctor the lights where getting so bad that I had to sheild my eyes. I had a hard time communicating what was going on with my doctor.. because I was starting to get confused... she understood what was going on and after chatting to her about the reasons why I couldn't work she promptly wrote up a note that said I would be away from work for atleast 2 weeks if not more because my symptoms were getting worst.

That was great because that's exactly what I needed.. and I started my walk home (I didn't have money to call a taxi).

On the way home... everysingle car that passed me made me want to scream... I could feel my body quake and as the sounds got closer the feeling got worse. I was swearing around as I was sure a car was coming because I had the feeling like I was some how very unsafe... and as I turned around to see how far it was I realized that I wasn't hearing a car I was hearing a bicycle and the man was only a foot behind me.

I got to my place of employment and my manager came and asked if I was okay. I told her I wasn't and that the cars and lights were making me sick (without even thinking the ramifications... I sounded like I was high out of my mind on something) and she took my note and told me everything was going to be okay.

The rest of the walk home wasn't much better... the sound of my own feet made me want to run away and the airplanes made me want to hide.

I was emotionaly and physically scared... but mentally I knew what was going on... it was like I was stuck on "fight or flight" and I couldn't get out... it was like everything was making me over stimulated.

My doctor said that I just need rest and to avoid stress... but its hard to avoid stress and rest when I get phone calls from people every half hour wanting information or me to do things to aquire information from doctors for disability.. and I have to spend hours on the phone trying to fix this mess I'm in relation to my employment - or unemployment rather (lol).

I'm so glad offices close on weekends :)


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