Turn Some Lights On

It would be easy to suspect my rather dreary demeanor at the time might be directly related to my current well-being and overall health. If one was to suspect that they would be very correct.

I'd like to take a moment to reflect.

- owch
- um...

Yeah I got nothing, reflecting isn't working and I'm stuck here typing on this computer about pretty much nothing at all.

So let me write a short grisly tale about a man who had a habit.

This man's habit wasn't one that people would second guess his integrity, neither was it one that would cause the average person gasp. It was a habit that most people would never think of, this man was afflicted with an addiction so odd that to this day his close family and friends are puzzled with exactly how he got in that predicament.

This man was addicted to Ms. Mary's Homemade Raisin English Muffins or "Mrem" as the man like to call it.

This man was so addicted to these baked goods that unlike average people who woke up to alarm clocks this man had an automatic toaster and every morning he'd roll over to the smell of a perfectly toasted Mrem, lather it in butter and eat.

Of course he never just ate one. His average consumption ranged from 15-20 a meal.

You now how to stop and wonder how such a man could survive on nothing but flour, raisins, butter and some other random ingredients, but some how it sustained him through the last 15 years.

It was on his 15th year of being on "Mrem" when this man started to see some complication of his diet. He was huge of course, but could still get around the kitchen to make himself more, the complications were much more severe for than that: The man was noticing that between his fingers felt sticky almost like dough.

The condition worsened, and soon, raisins started to fall out of his nose and he couldn't open and close his hands without great effort and stickiness. It was soon that this man could not get out of his bed.

Luckily for him, he had stocked up on Mrem before this incident, and with all the supplies he needed he kept eating and eating and getting bigger and bigger and oddly doughier and doughier.

His friends began to worry about him and one of them dropped by to see how he was doing, since he didn't answer the door, and being a person of great nerve, the visitor let himself into the man's house and was terrified once he reached the bed room.

The man had grown so big that his doughy leg was sticking out into the hallway! The Visitor got scared and quickly left the man's house and contacted the local fire/police and ambulance that there was something seriously wrong.

On further inspection by the authorities it was decided that the man would not be able to leave the house unless one of the walls were removed so he could escape the tomb that he had created.

The removal of the wall was a tricky bit since the man was sticking to the insides of the walls. They decided to cut the wall completely out and let it fall onto it's side. The only unforeseen problem with the plan was that the man fell onto his side sufficiently stuck to that one wall as the wall fell, the impact caused him to be squished flat and that was the end of the man.

Although the town did have free dough for some time.

The end.

Happy *