Notes To Myself

Please remember to do the following things each day:

Smile :)
Go for a Walk :)
Give bf a Kiss when he leaves to Work:)
Take it Easy :)
Enjoy the Little Things :)
Love Life :)
Act like Everyday is a Day Gained :)
Remember to Breathe :)

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Day 5 - A NOT so Great Day

Today was horrible.
Today I found out for sure that I have Fibromyalgia.

There was always a hope until I saw a specialist that I had the wrong diagnosis. But now that I've seen a specialist and she agreed with the doctor it's pretty much certain that I have it.

It's so funny how life turns out... I never thought I'd be in this situation.

It's difficult to explain the emotions that I have towards this. It would be easy to say I'm upset - but it goes so much deeper than that. I'm unsure of what my future will turn out like - I've always been able to do anything that I put my mind to - but now... my body might prevent me from that.

No amount of work is going to make me feel better...

But that's a lie... I'm going to join the yoga group - going to get my sleep in order - work on my diet - this isn't work in terms of time spent - this is work in the way of will power.

I'm going to have to fight this in the way that it's going to hurt most - not working through the pain day in and day out but understanding when to relax and take it easy or when to tough through it. I'm going to have to change my day to day routine day to day depending on how I'm feeling.

Maybe I'm thinking too much into this - but I think it's better that I judge what is coming than to stand in the dark of what I have to face.

I'm not looking forward to this challenge - I cringe at it - this is something I really don't want to do - but I'm left with no choice - life has thrown this at me.

My parents are useless - their religious crap about how god can save me really upsets me - it's their crutch not mine. Religion is great in the terms of the community, sense of meaning and purpose and hope for more than this life - I however find no need for the institution.

God can't save me - only I can save me.

Plus they won't let my boyfriend and I stay at their house! My mom said "She'd be uncomfortable"

Grow up! We've been living together for over a year now! Been dating for FOUR years! - how immature is that?

I apologize - I find it pointless to fight my parents against their ideals - So I find the need to rant about it from time to time..

They rather piss me off.

Today was a really bad day - I'm going to bed early to try and ward off tomorrow.


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